THE CHRONICLES OF LARRY: SEASON ONE
\\ IT'S LIVE! //
The book definitely NOT written by Sloane Howell and his seester...
The book your mother would NOT want you to read...
99 Cents on Amazon and FREE with Kindle Unlimited
Created by: Seymour Snatch and Seester McSeesterson
WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING ABOUT LARRY
“This book made me want to expel my lunch, and should never have been penned.” - Honore de Ballsack
“The Chronicles of Larry is a juvenile telling of a vile creature that never met an object at which he wouldn’t shake his testicles.” - Vladimir Grabacock
\\ SISTERHOOD REVIEW //
by Sam Lewis
This review of The Chronicles of Larry Volume 1 by Seymour Snatch and Seeter McSeeterson is for The Sweet Spot Sisterhood Blog. Never in my life have I read such vulgar words and phrases come out of someone's mouth. Larry has no boundaries. This book is so wrong, but I loved every minute of it! I give it 5 Cherry Cokes!
I am pretty sure my coworkers think I'm crazy by the amount of laugh out loud moments this well-written satire caused. It is set in diary format which is pure brilliance. Larry fills his work days drinking Cherry Coke and messing with Jim, his boss's secretary. Oops, I mean administrative assistant. Larry lives for Happy Hour, but do you blame him? I cannot wait to see what Larry has in store for us. Toodles until Volume 2.
Allegedly based on a true story (this cannot be confirmed nor denied)...
Many moons ago in a seedy alley that cut through the heart of Toledo, Ohio, Seester McSeesterson and Seymour Snatch stumbled on their way to a hotel room from an evening of drunken debauchery. In that moment, Seester noticed a leather bound journal illuminated by the bright moonlight next to a dumpster.
She never knew that when she opened it their lives would be forever changed. Contained therein was a journal of a man named Larry. For hours they poured over tale after tale of revenge of the highest order, the ultimate in chicanery, and lived out a romance for the ages, coupled with the most electrifying profane lexicon either of them had ever bore witness to.
They searched for years trying to locate this rockstar of revenge and purveyor of profanity, only to come up empty in every search. Soon after, they decided it would be selfish to keep to themselves this epic saga of one man’s transformation from every day office drone to freedom and f*ckery. So they transcribed his journal in order to release it to the world.
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You should NOT read this book. This book contains the most offensive stories of all time and should be banned worldwide. Seymour and Seester are not responsible for any material contained herein and are merely vessels transporting these stories to the masses. Please proceed with extreme caution. You have been warned.
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Interview with Larry
Q: How many seasons is Larry going to be? Nine perhaps?
A: Larry indeed will be 9 seasons, in honor of Timmydick.
Q: Does Seymour love Cherry Coke as much as you do? If not what is your fave?
A: Nobody can love Cherry Coke as much as Larryballs. I do believe Seymour is partial to Diet Dew which is a fucking abomination.
Q: What is the biggest jalapeño dick that Seymour has grown? (pic or it didn't happen)
A: He grew one that weighed 9 lbs and then Timmy picked it. Seymour was not happy about this.
Q: Does Seymour enjoy Happy Hour as much as Larrydick does?
A: Again <laughs> nobody enjoys happy hour as much as I do. Seymour might think he does, but he’s a lying dick flop.
Q: Have Seymour and Seester tried to track you down?
A: Yes, they have indeed tried to track me down. They have succeeded.
Q: What is your fave name to call Jim?
A: I don’t have a favorite per se, but some of my personal favs that I rotate are Dick Titties, Jizzle McNuggets, Titty flaps, and Secretary McGuntwaffle.
Q: What is your fave prank that you pull on Jim?
A: I can’t give this away, because I pull many doozies on Jimmytits.
Q: Would Seymour be as thoughtful and give his wife the same Valentine's Day gift that Larry gives his wife?
A: I’m sure Seymour is a sweet guy and has a decent wife. So he probably buys her nice stuff like shoes and purses and shit.
Q: Why is Seester fascinated with 9? Coincidence that Timmy aka Nine is OCD about it too?
A: Seester loves odd numbers because she’s a fucking weirdo.
Q: Did you leave your journal for someone to find?
A: I did not leave them for that purpose actually. I just got fucked up on ‘livet and dropped my journal out of my bag.
Q: Was Seymour and Seester offended by what you wrote? Better yet, do you think your readers will be?
A: I’m sure everyone is offended by the shit I wrote in my journal. Do I care? Not one fucking bit. <drops mic>
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ABOUT THE AUTHORS
When Seymour is not writing stories of c*nt f*cking and debauchery he enjoys growing jalapeno peppers in the shapes of dicks. He has also mastered the craft of urinating from towering heights. Nicknamed Niagara Balls as a child, his most recent exploit was pissing from the observation deck of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai where he was dubbed the “Sultan of Streams” by the local natives.
When not acting as a master wordsmith with Snatch, McSeesterson enjoys farting up local eateries and leaving gratuities that only contain the number nine. When asked about her favorite activities McSeesterson has been quoted as saying, “Watching someone eat a crop dusted cobb salad…” is something that she “enjoys immensely…” She has also described a good fart as “Eerily similar to a three act play structure…” which has made her “More cognizant as an author with regards to timing and pacing…”
Thank you so much!
Sloane err, I mean Seymour
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